How can I help others?

Supporting Someone Who Has Experienced Sexual Misconduct

Talking to someone about an experience of sexual misconduct can make a significant difference and help them feel less alone. Many people choose to speak to a trusted friend, family member or colleague before accessing specialist support services.

You do not need to have all the answers to support someone. Often, the most important thing you can do is listen, believe them, and help them access support if they wish to do so.

Recognising that Someone May Need Support

There is no “right” way for someone to respond to sexual misconduct. Some people may appear distressed, while others may seem calm or unaffected. Responses can vary over time and may include:

Becoming withdrawn or avoiding social situations.
Appearing anxious, upset, angry, numb or distracted.
Changes in attendance, engagement or routine.
Expressing concerns about their safety or the behaviour of another person.
Becoming reluctant to attend certain places or events.

It is important not to make assumptions about what has happened. If you are concerned about someone, consider checking in with them in a supportive and non-judgemental way.

Starting a Conversation

You may find it helpful to say:

“I’ve noticed you don’t seem yourself lately. How are you doing?”
“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but I’m here if you need to talk.”
“I’ve been worried about you and wanted to check in.”
“Whatever has happened, I’m here to listen.”

Approach the conversation gently and allow the person to decide how much they want to share.

If Someone Discloses Sexual Misconduct

If someone tells you they have experienced sexual misconduct:

Listen Allow them to talk at their own pace and avoid interruptin
Believe them Take what they tell you seriously. Thank them for trusting you enough to share their experience.
Avoid Judgement Do not ask questions that could imply blame, such as why they were somewhere, what they were wearing or why they did not report the incident sooner.

Respect their choices Where possible, allow them to decide what happens next. Avoid pressuring them to report the incident to the police or the University.
Signpost to support Encourage them to access specialist support services and provide information about the options available.

What Support Can I Offer?

Emotional Support

Listen without judgement.
Reassure them that they are not alone.
Let them know that support is available.
Be patient and allow them to share information in their own time.

Practical Support

Offer to help them access support services.
Accompany them to appointments if they would find this helpful.
Help them gather information about reporting and support options.
Continue to spend time with them and maintain normal social contact where appropriate

Looking After Yourself

Supporting someone who has experienced sexual misconduct can be emotionally challenging. It is important to recognise your own limits, seek support if needed, and be realistic about what you can offer. You do not have to manage the situation alone, and specialist services are available to support both the person affected and those supporting them.

A Guide to the Dos and Don’ts of Supporting Someone

What if someone doesn’t want help?

There may be times when someone does not want support, is unsure what support they need, or is not ready to talk about what has happened. This can be difficult, particularly if you are worried about them, but it is important to respect their choices and allow them to make decisions at their own pace.

An image of four people sat in a circle with only their hands and laps visible.

You can:

Be patient. The person may need time to process what has happened or to decide whether they want to talk about it.
Offer reassurance. Let them know that you care about them and that you are available if they would like to talk.
Provide information. Share details of support services and resources that they can access if and when they feel ready. They may prefer to speak to a specialist service, and this is completely understandable.
Respect their choices. Unless there is an immediate risk of harm, the decision about whether to seek support or make a report should remain with the person affected.
Take care of yourself. Supporting someone can be emotionally challenging. Remember that specialist services are available and that you do not need to manage the situation alone.

You can’t:

Force someone to talk. Pressuring someone to discuss their experience may cause them to withdraw or feel a loss of control.
Force someone to report what has happened. Decisions about reporting to the police or the University should, wherever possible, remain with the person affected.
Make decisions on their behalf. You can provide information and support, but it is important to respect the choices they make.
Access support services on their behalf without their knowledge or consent, unless there is a serious concern about their immediate safety or the safety of others.

Emergency support

If someone is in immediate danger, requires urgent medical attention, or there is an emergency situation, call 999.

If a sexual assault has occurred recently, specialist services can provide advice about medical care, forensic evidence preservation, and support options. You do not have to report the incident to the police to access support.

If you are on campus and concerned about someone’s immediate safety, contact Campus Support on 01695 584227.

University support

For support within the University, contact the Mental Health & Wellbeing Team.

Looking After Yourself

Supporting someone who has experienced sexual misconduct can have an emotional impact on you. It is important to ensure that you have access to your own support network and that you recognise your own limits.

You do not need to have all the answers. Simply listening, believing someone, and helping them access appropriate support can make a significant difference.

How Can I Look After Myself?

Sometimes supporting another person can feel overwhelming. Looking after your own wellbeing will help ensure that you are able to continue supporting others while maintaining your own emotional health.

Be realistic. Your support is valuable, but you are a friend, peer, or colleague, not a counsellor or specialist practitioner.
Take time for yourself. It is okay to step back, take breaks, and focus on your own wellbeing when needed.
Seek support if you need it. Talking to someone you trust or accessing support for yourself can help you manage the emotional impact of supporting another person.

Useful links

Mind have a helpful website which gives information for different difficulties and advice on how to support a friend who is experiencing them.
Rethink Mental Illness offers a handy support page for identifying and helping a friend who may have mental health difficulties.